Shelterdog Blog

It's a GREAT Day to Be a Duck!

2012-01-03T05:20:00.000-08:00

It's a GREAT Day to be a Duck! First Rose Bowl victory in 95 years!

RIP Dear Watson

2011-04-16T15:04:00.000-07:00

Our wonderful shelter dog, Watson, passed away, after battling cancer for the past two years. He leaves behind great sadness and wonderful memories. Here's a link to some photos:

A birthday post for my son, Zachary

2010-12-30T19:42:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday, Zachary!

Happy Holidays from Da Dogs

2010-12-08T11:33:00.001-08:00

Watson and Cricket have given us so much joy for so many years, we wish them a happy holiday season this year. To the right, you can hear for free their own Canine Christmas song which, cleverly, they named "K-9 Christmas." Also available for download from iTunes and most other online digital music download sites.

Children and Higher Office

2010-11-02T14:38:00.000-07:00

This election night will determine if 4-year-old Gracie Linh Hoffman will become a US Senator. But one severe critic has questioned whether the responsibilities of a Senator would be incompatible with a healthy childhood. It turns out that holding a position as a senator is perfect for a 4-year-old (subject to those pesky constitutional age limitations). After all, who acts more like little children than many of our elected representatives? Gracie could continue to enjoy her childhood, act like a 4-year-old, and fit right in--except that she doesn't throw as many tantrums as some of the older senators. She knows everything there is to know about earmarking funds for her special projects and how to assert herself by putting a "hold" on anything her parents might otherwise do until they pay due attention to her. And, as for the Bridge to Nowhere, she's building it on the family room carpet (see photo, above), but merely needs more funding to finish it up. So Gracie holding high office and her childhood are incompatible at all.

Who's Moving in to Replace Candidate Watson?

2010-10-23T19:51:00.000-07:00

With Watson's abrupt departure from the political scene, rumors swirled throughout the Pacific Northwest as to his possible successor. Who has the stature, the name recognition, the money, and speaking ability to step in at the eleventh hour to win a crucial 2010 Senate election?

The Shelterdog Blog has found the answer: Grace Linh Hoffman, Watson's former campaign manager, was spotted in Washington, D.C., earlier this month. Our crack paparazzo managed to photograph the four-year-old political strategist, standing next to the base of the Washington Monument. Though Grace measures a scant two blocks in height, her brains, beauty, wit, and her connections with the political machines of every metropolitan city in her state, guarantee that she has a good shot at the prize. In fact, even before she has officially announced her candidacy, tracking polls show her getting an incredible 59% of the deceased vote. With that kind of political savvy, how can she lose?

But, some have asked, what is her platform? What does she plan to do if elected? How would she vote on the critical issues facing the nation? In the current political climate, does anyone care? She's not an incumbent, has never dabbled in witchcraft, and knows what it's like to be unemployed. How can she lose?

Has Watson Dropped His Quest for Electoral Office?

2010-10-23T19:33:00.000-07:00

Shelterdog Watson, who had been seeking to become the Kibble Party candidate for the U.S. Senate, appears to have quietly dropped his electoral bid. There has been no formal public announcement, but Shelterdog's crack reporting team has it on good authority that Watson no longer wants to join the partisan fray in Washington, D.C. Is it because he is satisfied with the current state of the Union? Or because he fears he might lose? Or because the U.S. Chamber of Cat Commerce is plotting a series of attack ads, alleging that the candidate is a "closet cat-ist?" Most likely none of the above. Rather, with the emergence of Watson's local football team, the University of Oregon Ducks, as #1 in both the major polls and #2 in the BCS, Watson seems to have forsaken politics for the Green and Yellow (and, occasionally, Carbon, Black, White, and a variety of other colors) of the Oregon Ducks. For a free sample of Watson's Duck tune, click on "It's a Great Day to Be a Duck," on the right column of your screen.

Watson: His People Suddenly Become Film Reviewers of "Inception" While He Sleeps

2010-08-26T12:26:00.000-07:00

Watson reports: My Dog Mommy and Dog Daddy went to the movies last night. They asked me to write a review of the movie they saw. How could I do that? I didn't see it. I wasn't there.

"That's OK," said my Dog Mommy. "I slept through most of it. Maybe Dog Daddy can write it. He stayed awake for almost the whole thing."

I told them they could write something for my blog. After all, any movie you can sleep through must be a pretty relaxing movie, and so I'm all for it. So here's Dog Daddy's movie review. Unlike me, he's not a very experienced writer, so please cut him some slack.

---------

My wife and I fell for all the hype and went to "Inception," a monstrosity of a film. My wife fell asleep, but I tried very hard (in vain) to get into it. It turns out her choice was better than mine.

I admire the screenwriter's mission: to venture into the wonders of Dreamland, a place everyone has gone before, but which few truly understand. But I've gone nighty-night every night for nearly 63 years without dreaming ANYTHING remotely resembling any level of any of the dreams portrayed in this movie.

My biggest problem with the film was its basic premise: can one person get inside another person's dreams? Probably not, except in the mind of a movie producer with lots of cash and little substantive knowledge or interest in sleep science, but OK, let's pretend they can. But how do they do it? A bunch of supposedly brilliant characters explain it to each other. Their explanations are nestled somewhere between "sophomoric" and "incoherent." Oh well, accepting this dubious premise and the incomprehensible, hocus pocus explanation, now add this concept: that in your dreams, time is compressed as compared to real time. Yeah, ok, sure, I'll buy that, too. I haven't put a stopwatch to my own dreams, but what the hell? But even accepting all this, then (the characters' logic persists), it follows that, if there's a dream within someone's dream, this "second" dream compresses time even further than the first one, and the dream within the dream within the dream even moreso. Not only that: these smart people can calculate the magnitude of this compression. Cool! I didn't copy the formula for this calculation in the movie theater, but I think it was something like this:

x²+ 4 y² -9z³ ± √d⁹ + √π² = 1,000,000 BS

This calculation, in turn, will permit them to set precisely the time limits for how long they can tinker around in the brain of the poor schmuck they've drugged to they can implant their own hare-brained idea into his hare-brained brain. It's a fancy way of doing what they used to to in old pseudo thrillers, by having the entire squadron "synchronize their watches," even though we never knew exactly why they did it.

OK, I'll give the writers a pass on all of this hokum, too, but the effect of this pretend calculation is catastrophic: after we're two hours into the movie, suddenly everything is going VERY slowly. We watch this van, perhaps in Dream No. 1, who knows, trying to fall toward the water after crashing and plummeting off a bridge. But despite the hyperkinetic action going on at Dream Nos. 2-4, the van's plunge into the icy waters is so slow as to be imperceptible (see formula, above, and special effects coordinator --long gone--, for explanation), my wife remains sound asleep despite the ear-splitting noise and chaos of Dream Nos. 2-4, and I'm asking myself whether it will take all night for that damned van to hit the water so we can finally all go home. We're supposed to be thrilled by plot development that is proceeding at a snail's pace in Dream No. 1, while Dreams 2-4 are going too fast for us to figure out who is who, or what the hell is going on, or why. They have, I readily acknowledge, accurately depicted that aspect of dreaming in which what is occurring makes no sense whatsoever (although usually I can get this for free and I can pop my own popcorn with real buttery flavoring).

All of this nonsense would be tolerable if we gave a crap about the characters, but who within the story is worthy of whatever crap we have to give? Here were the choices:

The dead but still somewhat homicidal wife?
The cute chick who was supposed to be brilliant, but just kind of sits there and looks vaguely fetching on three or four incoherent dream levels as the plot unfolds?
The guy who tags along but we've forgotten who he his or why he's there? (Note: there are several of these.)
The rich guy whose brains are being rented out as an Interstate Freeway and shooting gallery for the other rich guy's nefarious purposes?
The other rich guy with nefarious purposes?
Leonardo? Forget it. He's like Captain Ahab chasing the whale, but at least Ahab had the good grace to plunge to his death with the harpooned whale in tow.

The only characters I could empathize with were the two little kids, but they've turned their back on Leonardo, their own father. I don't blame them.

Shelterdogs Abandoned!! Left at Home With NOTHING But Friends, People, Food and Toys

2010-08-11T13:27:00.000-07:00

Shelterdogs Watson and Cricket found themselves forlorn, forsaken and forgotten last weekend when their People (Jonathan, Susan anbd Grace Hoffman) abandoned them to attend the Vietnamese Heritage Camp in Estes Park, Colorado, last weekend.

Gracie, the youngest of the People, had a wonderful time with other children adopted from Vietnamese orphanages. The kids frolicked and played while they learned about Vietnamese culture and bonded with fellow adoptees living through0ut the United States.

See this link for definitive photographic proof of the Hoffmans' abandonment of their dogs:

http://picasaweb.google.com/shelterdog.hoffman8/VietnameseHeritageCamp2010#.

Shelterdogs Watson and Cricket were not amused.

"We were left ALL ALONE for the entire weekend," complained Watson. "The Other People who walked us, played with us, cuddled and fed us that weekend, were Mere Imposters. The Real People were gone."

The Real People returned Sunday afternoon to find their two dogs hungry and suffering from abandonment. Watson and Cricket had not been fed in nearly 45 minutes, and had not been held and petted for OVER AN HOUR!

It could have been even worse. Watson and Cricket were occasionally left in the back yard for minutes at a time. It could have been bitingly cold, lonely and snowing (see photo, upper right) had it occurred in January rather than August.

Ironically, One of Watson's "Real People" who abandoned him last weekend (Jonathan Hoffman), turns out to be the singer-songwriter who wrote and recorded the hit song, "Forlorn, Forsaken and Forgotten," which expresses the angst of of a poor, lonely shelterdog, who is abandoned by his People when they go to work each day. How could someone who wrote such a song abandon his dogs for the entire weekend?

"Easy," replied Watson. "He didn't even write the song. I did. He just took all the credit just because he can play the guitar and I can't. In fact," Watson added, "Jonathan and Susan aren't even Vietnamese."

Shame!

In Watson's Absence, Hoffman Relegated to Gig at Marshmallow Roast

2010-07-21T09:42:00.000-07:00

Now that Watson has run off to join the Tea Party (see blog entry below), his singer-songwriter companion, Jonathan Hoffman, has accepted a gig to sing at a marshmallow roast. The marshmallow gig is being held in conjunction with the Vietnamese Heritage Camp in Estes Park, Colorado, July 29-31. Hoffman's daughter, Gracie Linh Hoffman (pictured at right) was born in Vietnam.

So why has a singer-songwriter--and recording artist--of Hoffman's supposed stature been relegated to a mere marshmallow roast? While touring with former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin on the Refudiation Express, Shelterdog Watson retorted: "Without me, he's just another singer-songwriter. And he's not really a songwriter. After all, I wrote those songs. He just stole all the credit because he has the fancy guitar, the word processor, and the opposable thumbs. And, frankly, he's not much of a singer, either. If you listen to "Blue Yellow Lab," I'm the one doing all the good blues howling."

Watson Joins Tea Party: Diatribe Against Cats to Follow?

2010-07-19T11:40:00.000-07:00

Shelterdog Watson, still seeking to overcome his disappointing run for the Presidency in 2008, was a happy pup over the weekend after learning of the Tea Party's refusal to renounce the racist rants of some of its members. Leading pundits had speculated that Watson's 2008 defeat was partly due to his lack of affilitation with any political party or group. Now it appears that the Tea Party suits him just fine. The word on the street is that he was greatly influenced by his half-brother-human Gavin Hoffman, who recently guest starred as a right-wing militiaman in the TNT series "Leverage."

"It makes perfect sense," an unnamed and former high-ranking Watson campaign strategist observed. "If the Tea Party tolerates racists and bigots, they can hardly criticize a member for virulent anti-cat rants, either."

Watson was never proven to have uttered an anti-cat word during his long campaign, although a few reporters on the campaign plane--on deep background--alleged that Watson was known to refer to cats as "mere prey." But a disillusioned former campaign worker, who also owns 16 cats, recently revealed to the National Enquirer that she had overheard Watson describing cats as "stupid," "foul-smelling," "worthless" creatures that "deserved to die."

Watson could not be reached for comment, and his staff refused to confirm or deny the rumors.

Meanwhile, the Tea Party welcomed its newest member with open arms. Said a spokesman: "We welcome everyone, without regard to his beliefs, philosophy, intelligence, compassion, sensitivity, species, or anything else. He IS white after all, isn't he?"

They Getcha Coming or Going

2010-06-21T11:09:00.000-07:00

After being offered over $37,000 in financing only last week, Shelterdog Watson was understandably surprised to receive the following email this morning:
Dear Recipient:
After Chapter 7 bankruptcy proceedings, you should be aware that there are alternatives. Call us at [link deleted to protect privacy of the spammer]
Watson is a fiscally conservative dog who has not filed Chapter 7 bankruptcy proceedings. In fact, his even memoirs have not progressed past Chapter 2. But it's always nice to know that so many options are available.

Follow the Money. Fetch the Money

2010-06-15T14:30:00.000-07:00

Watson has been offered a business loan for over $37,000. Here's part of the fax he just received:

Where to stash that much cash? There are any number of options. (Did we say "options"?)

Watson could:

Start a campaign committee for a Kibble-Party run at the US Senate, where he would stand a good chance of knocking off unpopular Nevada Senator Harry Reid, being better educated and more articulate than Reid's Tea-Party Republican opponent.
Prudently invest in some safe stock, such as AIG or BP, or Greek debt or even dog food derivatives (he's been peeing on too many hedges to take up hedge funds).
Buy up some of that discounted real estate in Central Oregon or Las Vegas; perhaps some squirrel-infested acreage.
Give a boost to his already successful music career, perhaps with some voice lessons.

Now that Watson is going to get a pile of moolah, please help him decide what to do with it. Post your comments here.

Whatever Watson decides, isn't it great to know that the financial sector is doing so well now that they can lend thousands to a shelter dog? You know that the object lessons of profligate lending have been learned when they are only giving loans to the good dogs. Are you a good dog? Is so, just remind your lender of this the next time you're looking for a home mortgage or business loan.

SAVE FRENCH PETE--Again??

2010-03-29T07:43:00.000-07:00

This weekend in Eugene, Oregon, the Oregon Sierra Club is sponsoring a remembrance and celebration of the successful campaign to save the French Pete Wilderness nearly 40 years ago. There is a reception Friday, April 2, at the Paulson Reading Room of the Knight Library at the University of Oregon from 4:30 to 6:30. On Saturday, April 3, there will be an all-day event, from 8:30am to 5 PM, at the University of Oregon School of Law, Room 184, with many people telling their personal stories about the campaign to save French Pete.

Singer-Songwriter Jonathan Hoffman who sang at a hearing at the Eugene City Hall in 1971 to support saving French Pete, will perform the song he sang in 1971, as well as the song he later wrote and recorded (too late to do any good), entitled, cleverly enough, "French Pete." In honor of the event, the song will be posted on the Shelterdog Blog to help everyone remember that our wilderness rarely is able to save itself.

To read more about the story of the French Pete Wilderness, click on this link. To see what would have been logged had French Pete not been saved, click on this link.

Shelterdogs Watson and Cricket are boycotting the event because it doesn't involve dogs or their political aspirations.

Listen to Your Advisors

2010-03-22T21:01:00.000-07:00

Why has Watson's popularity plummeted lower than Sarah Palin's IQ? In 2008, he was a shooting star, gaining national attention and adoration, only to lose in all fifty states. Then, Watson disappeared from public view altogether and, ultimately, was eclipsed by his canine companion, Cricket.
Un-named but highly-placed sources now claim that, like many rising stars, he got ''too big for his britches.'' He refused to listen to the sober advice of his seasoned campaign consultants, such as Grace Linh Hoffman (pictured above), and acted like he knew it all.
Too bad for Watson.
Gracie Linh has moved on, and is proving that she has what it takes. And when the 2012 campaign comes around, she is bound to have a dog in the hunt.

Scoot Over, Watson!

2010-03-22T20:53:00.000-07:00

Former Canine Presidential Candidate Now Second Fiddle

As all major tabloids have reported, Watson, the former presidential candidate and self-acclaimed shelterdog, has been in a major pout throughout March of 2010. The reason? His housemate, Cricket, was one of several dogs selected to display her prize-winning smile by Bark Magazine (above, right). Watson, who has been somewhat reclusive since his 2008 presidential campaign received lots of attention but no electoral votes, was shocked that he was passed over. He has reportedly retreated into his shell. All we know for certain is that Watson has refused all press requests for interviews since Bark put Cricket’s winsome smile on the Web.

This recent development triggers new speculation about whether Cricket, rather than Watson, will become the canine candidate for the United States Senate in 2010. Cricket gave an interview to Shelterdog e-News, but her answers shed little light on issues related to her possible candidacy. Here are the highlights of her interview:

Shelterdog e-News: What’s it like being the celebrity dog after all those years of Watson hogging the spotlight?
Cricket: I like it. I like my people. I like people.
Shelterdog e-News: Have you given any thought to running for the Senate in 2010?
Cricket: “Thought” isn’t my strong suit.
Shelterdog e-News: Will you run for the Senate?
Cricket: I like to run. We were up in the Cascades last weekend, and I ran all over the place.
Shelterdog e-News: Would you be a “Tea Party” candidate?
Cricket: I like parties. My people had a party and I got to be petted by a lot of people.
Shelterdog e-News: If you ran for office, would you do any negative campaigning? What are you against?
Cricket: Mostly cats and squirrels. Chipmunks, but they’re usually not around by the time I get there.
Shelterdog e-News: What’s your position on health care?
Cricket: I don’t like going to the vet. I don’t think anyone should be subjected to health care if they don’t want to.
Shelterdog e-News: What about social issues? For example, do you think everyone ought to be able to pray in public?
Cricket: I like to prey. Especially on cats, squirrels, and chipmunks.

As you can see, Cricket may become a candidate to be reckoned with. Combining her good looks, winsome smile, and ability to avoid taking a stand on any issue, she sounds like the perfect challenger to any incumbent. Better beware, Harry Reid!

2009-11-19T18:03:00.000-08:00

Watson's Strategist Mulling Options

2009-11-11T15:13:00.000-08:00

What has become of Watson’s chief campaign strategist of 2008, Gracie Linh Hoffman? Shelterdog eNews tracked her down and we can report that she is still considering her options. Now three years old, she completed her freshman weekend at the Vietnamese Heritage Camp in Colorado in August and is attending the three-day-3's at the Portland Jewish Academy as well as a twice-weekly Chinese immersion pre-K program at the International School, along with gymnastics, and ballet lessons and playing a red ukulele. Understandably, she has limited her high-priced political consulting business to a mere 5 evenings a week.

Watson Un-Vanishes

2009-11-11T14:44:00.000-08:00

Former shelter dog and canine presidential candidate, Watson, has been in seclusion since last November’s election. Pundits have speculated about the reasons for his abrupt disappearance from the public stage. Was he pulling a “Sarah Palin,” abandoning his job while plotting for another run for higher office in 2012? Was he pulling a “John Edwards,” lying low because he fathered some as-yet-undisclosed puppy out of wedlock? Was he hiding out, in terror of Michael Vick’s release from prison? Or was he merely pouting because of his own lack of success in the campaign? Watsonologists have offered much off-the record speculation. Cable news commentators have, too. The Star tabloid claimed in successive editions that Watson was spotted in the company of Britney Spears, Elvis, and three extra-terrestrials near Roswell, New Mexico. The National Enquirer staked out his doghouse, his vacation getaway home, and the homes of several women (both human and canine) with whom he has been associated. On radio, Rush Limbaugh gleefully asserted that Watson had failed, and that Rush WANTS him to fail. Keith Olbermann delivered a “special comment” at the end of his show, Countdown, to proclaim that Watson had shamefully “abandoned” his followers, had “run away” from his commitment to universal canine health care, and had thereby sought to sabotage the campaign to make health care available to all human beings. At last, we can put all these rumors to rest and report the truth: Watson, it appears, has pulled a reverse-Ronald Reagan/Arnold Schwarzenegger: he has given up politics (at least for now) to position himself for a role in the movies. It seems that his original song, “Feel the Love,” is being considered for a forthcoming doggie dance movie, “Doggie Boogie.” Stay Tuned for the outcome.

A leg up on the competition

2008-05-19T11:04:00.000-07:00

Watson's Campaign Breaks Long Silence

Watson, the shelter dog seeking to become the first Canine-American to be elected President of the United States, has remained mysteriously for nearly two months during the most intense period of this historic campaign. Political pundits throughout the nation have expressed shock and dismay about Watson’s unexplained silence.
At last, Watson’s campaign has revealed the canine-candidate’s explanation for his mysterious muteness. During yesterday’s press conference, on the eve of the Indiana and North Carolina primaries, Gracie Linh Hoffman, Watson's chief campaign strategist and spokesbaby, offered a spirited justification. She recited the ABC's of the verbal gaffes recently committed by each of Watson’s three rivals: Senator John McCain implied that the Iraq war was fought for oil, something the Bush Administration has denied. McCain said that, with energy independence, we would not have to invade the Middle east again to assure our supply of oil. Earlier, he seemed confused over the difference between Iran and Iraq, and mistakenly (and repeatedly) claimed that Iran was training al Quaida terrorists. Senator Obama spoke at a fund-raising gathering in San Francisco, stating that people in rural Pennsylvania were “clinging” to religion and guns because of anger and frustration over the economy. And Senator Clinton casually commented that the US could "obliterate" Iran. Earlier, she repeatedly described, in graphic detail, the imaginary sniper fire she once dodged when landing in Bosnia as First Lady.
“You won’t catch Watson making misstatements like these ,” promised Watson's spokesbaby, “He won’t make any misstatements. In fact, he won’t make any statements at all. He will speak only on rare occasions: when a squirrel is invading his territory or when one of his people makes him speak in order to get a dog treat. Or when he’s singing the blues.”

A Leg Up on the Competition

2007-11-04T07:39:00.000-08:00

Or, Colbert Schlobert

In recent days, canine Presidential aspirant Watson has received a tide of fan mail criticizing his fund-raising efforts. Or the lack thereof. One disgruntled supporter complained that, while Hillary and Barack have amassed war chests of $80 million or more just in the last quarter, Watson's campaign has been silent. This supporter hadn't received a single letter asking for a contribution.One complained that Watson, "owes his followers an explanation about how he will remain competitive and whether he is really serious about this race so that those who have been touting his candidacy don't end up with their tails between their legs." Watson "has done less fund-raising than Stephen Colbert."

After receiving scores of such letters (assuming "two" is part of a "score,") Watson decided it was time to respond, lest his supporters concluded that his campaign was even more moribund than Fred Thompson. Yesterday, Watson rushed to issue a press release, to head off the burgeoning controversy. His press release stated:"Doubtless, many of you wonder why I'm not hitting you up for money for my campaign. It's a good question. You want an answer, but at least you deserve my spin. When people (or dogs) donate to a political campaign, they pretend that it's for some high-minded reason, but in reality, they usually expect something in return. Maybe a little favor later, maybe better access to an elected official. Something like that. I can't promise you that I'll do that if I'm elected. This isn't because I don't care. It's not because I'm more righteous than my opponents. No, it's because I'm part yellow lab. And, if you know yellow labs, you realize that we will reward ANY favor, no matter how small. We will slobber over anyone who even looks at us. We will jump into any car if the door is open, if only to lick the faces of the occupants. Like the best career politicians, therefore, I promise to do ANYTHING in exchange for small favors, as you should already know from my campaign song, 'Political Animal.' So I can't take money with the "wink wink" that I'll give special treatment to anyone because I am incapable of denying special treatment to everyone."As for my principled opponents: I will not impugn their motives for raising all that moolah. I hope some of it is used for milk bones or dog rescue or cat eradication or some other worthy cause. I salute my opponents, I raise my leg to their efforts, and I promise to lick more faces than my opponents do, even if you don't give me a dime."

If fund-raising isn't going Watson's way, his "Straight-Bark Express" is having greater success. He has gotten the support of firefighters everywhere, much to the chagrin of Rudy Giuliani, perhaps because his pledge of a "hydrant in every park," has given him a leg up on the competition.

Watson Picks Up BIG Endorsement

2007-04-16T09:24:00.000-07:00

Watson's campaign to become the first Canine-American candidate for President got a BIG boost with the endorsement of the BIGGEST dog in the world.

Hercules is an English Mastiff. He's the one on the far right (not a political statement, just a fact. He has a 38 inch neck and weighs 282 pounds. With "paws the size of softballs"(reports the BostonHerald), the Three-year-old monster is far larger and heavier than his breed's Standard 200lb. limit. Hercules' owner Mr. Flynn says that Hercules' weight is natural and not induced by a bizarre diet: "I fed him normal food and he just grew".... And grew. And grew. And grew.

Watson's comment: "Our campaign just gets bigger and bigger by the day."

Watson Lines Up Major Endorsements

2007-03-16T10:20:00.002-07:00

Watson's campaign to become the first Canine-American President of the United States has begun to take off with endorsements pouring in from key states.

Cayenne and JJ, from Anchorage, Alaska, have signed up and promise to carry Alaska for Watson, which would bring him those all-important three electoral votes in the fall of 2008.

Both dogs denied that this was a "blonde-dog conspiracy," as has been implied by some of Watson's detractors. Rather, they appreciated Watson's forthright advocacy of a cause they deeply believe in, and which affects many dogs in their home state--the proliferation of squirrels. "No other candidate has had the courage to take a stand on this issue," Cayenne pointed out. "Watson is our only hope. I'm glad we have a dog in this hunt."

Watson's Brain Trust: Meet Gracie

2007-03-16T10:20:00.001-07:00

Grace Linh Hoffman, who is running Watson's campaign, is little known, but we've manages to get a little bit of information, and even this picture of her getting ready to stump for Watson in frigid New Hampshire. In addition, rumor has it that she is reportedly planning for her own campaign in the 2044 election. Well, here she is, recently adopted from Vietnam. How have the dogs reacted to the newest member of the Hoffman household? Watson, preoccupied with his campaign, was unavailable for comment. Cricket, however, responded, saying, "I am a mother to all the world's puppies." We're not sure what that means, but Cricket has been observed encouraging Gracie to use her little nose to best effect.

Time For a Change: Watson for President

2007-03-16T10:20:00.000-07:00

Watson the famed shelterdog, who garnered national attention during the last election for his song, ''Political Animal,'' has broken his long silence has announced the formation of an exploratory committee to run for President of the United States. Why is he running? Can any dog have Presidential aspirations, let alone one of uncertain parentage and breed? What issues would a Watson campaign focus on? How would a shelterdog raise money for a long and expensive campaign? How would he get his message out? Could he hold his own in debates against such articulate opponents as Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, and Rudy Giuliani? These are just some of the questions he addressed in his press conference:

Q: Watson, why are you running?
W: I haven't decided for sure whether I am running or not. But, as someone who is part lab and part border collie, if I had my druthers, I'd always be running.

Q: What about your background?
W: What about my background?

Q: Well, it's commonly known that you were rescued from the Humane Society. Do you think America is ready for an abandoned shelterdog?
W: Hey, we've got the first serious woman running. We've got the first serious African American running. Yet Canine Americans have never had a chance. We can't vote. We can't even sit in restaurants. And no one is speaking to our issues. Do you think Hillary or Obama or Rudy will say one word about the stray cat crisis in America? Fat chance. I think that we're overdue for a smart, serious Canine American.

Q: Are you old enough to be President?
W: In dog years? Sure.

Q: What issues would a Watson campaign raise?
W: Well, I've already mentioned one. The cat scourge. There's also the squirrel scourge, the chipmunk scourge--I could go on and on. I also will provide real leadership. We don't have it now. This isn't a Democratic or Republican issue. People just don't know how to lead; they're sheep. And I know sheep. If you don't believe me, ask why shows like American Idol and Survivor are still on the air. I am a leader. I'm part border collie. I can herd horses, sheep, goats. My campaign slogan will explain it all: ''Bred to lead.'' I have other ideas, too. I want to change the off-leash areas of America.

Q: In what way?
W. They're too small. My solution is simple: Reverse the present system. Put the cats in the existing off-leash areas and let the dogs have the rest.

Q: Can you honestly assure the public that this isn't just a stunt to promote your song, ''Political Animal?''
W: Give me a break. Do you think a dog would compromise his values for small favors?

Q: How do you plan to raise money and organize your support?
W: Easy. In the first place, my campaign will mobilize the support of the vast canine economy. PetSmart, Purina, the Milk Bone Company, and all those other companies know that they'd do a lot better with me as president than what we have now. And think of all the Dog People around the country. They'd be in my pocket, if I had pockets. If any of them refuses to support me, my fellow dogs will organize the country's first Piddle-In. Who will dare to say no?

Q: We heard rumors that there's dissension, even within your own family, about your candidacy. Isn't it true that some family members are supporting other candidates?
W: Oh, that's just a bunch of kitty litter being put out by desperate opponents. According to Fox News, it's a falsehood launched by Hillary's campaign. The only family member who has not yet endorsed me is Baby Grace, who My People just adopted from Vietnam.

Q: Why isn't she supporting you?
W: I don't know that she isn't. She doesn't talk much. But if she doesn't support me, it's because she wants Arnold to run--and win--so that people born outside the US can run for President. She's already planning her campaign for 2044.

2006-09-30T07:15:00.000-07:00

The dogs are in a funk, so singer-songwriter Jonathan Hoffman has been relegated to writing his own music. We don't know whether he's up to the task, but you can help. Below are some song ideas he's considering. Tell him which one you think shows the most promise (if ANY). He'll take your collective favorite choice and reveal the entire songwriting process for that song.

Here are the candidates:
1. Thumb Drive Blues: [Computer drives can stuff more and more memory into smaller and smaller spaces. So why is it getting harder and harder to find our keys?]
2. One More REM: [If only I could sleep in]
3. Dog-a-Doodle Do: [Perhaps this is the same song as Song #2: Who needs a rooster when the dog jumps on your bed and breathes into your face at 4 AM]
4. Little Piece of Heaven: [A song extolling the Metolius River in Central Oregon]
5. Boogie at the County Fair: [From jugglers to emus to demonstrations of pots and pans you don't need. And what rhymes with "emu?" Other than "dog-a-doodle do?"].

Click on the "Comments" button, and post your comment.

Can Hoffman write the song you choose? Who knows? On the best of days, even with Watson's creative involvement, only about 30% of the songs he starts are ''keepers.'' But, until the dog comes out of his funk, we're on our own.

What About ME?

2006-05-31T05:24:00.000-07:00

I'm just as cute as you guys, and I've been quietly waiting for months. Doesn't anyone think I'm a lot cuter than those other dogs?? Respectfully, Tobey

What's the Matter With You Guys?

2006-05-31T05:12:00.000-07:00

Hey, Cricket & Watson, I mean YOU. You keep complaining about your people, and neither of you is even a real yellow lab. I posted a comment a few months back, complete with my own poetry, and you refused to even post my picture. So I've been honing my HTML skills, and hitting the right keys with my paws, and here I am. Love (that's all I know) and Peanut Butter, Steinway

Shelterdog Music Scores a Perfect 10. Why Don't the Dogs Get the Credit?

2006-05-31T05:03:00.000-07:00

The CD in which Jonathan Hoffman stole our songs, "For Dog Lovers Only," was recently given a perfect 10 in a review by Folkwax, the Internet's premier reviewer of independent folk music. How come Cricket and I don't get the songwriting credit? Just because Hoffman has the word processor and the opposable thumbs, he grabs all the credit! Unfair! (Watson)

Listen, Download, Rate Our Songs

2006-03-30T19:44:00.000-08:00

Now you can listen to--and even download--a couple of our featured songs. At no cost! Simply go to Folk Alley's Open Mic, and search for Jonathan Hoffman. Yes, the guy who is stealing all the credit for OUR songs. The Open Mic has several of our great Dog Tunes on it. In fact, Blue Yellow Lab contains Watson's Internet debut blues howl. Some of the lyrics to this important song are farther down this blog. But wait, there's MORE. Our Veterinary Rhythm & Blues is now available on the Open Mic, and this Veterinary R&B is a whole lot better than the Veterinary CLINIC is. Not even close!
Give our Dog Music a boost by rating the songs you like. (Or, even better, kick Hoffman in the butt by giving crappy ratings to all those stupid non-dog songs. You know, the ones that go something like, "I walked around in the rain and snow/self-absorbed, depressed and slow/I'd like to take long walks on the beach/but finding a rhyme's beyond my reach.). Stuff like that.
Don't blame Folk Alley. Folk Alley is a non-profit website that promotes folk music and independent singer-songwriters. It features an online folk radio station that provides the finest folk music around. Too bad so little of it us about important things. Like us pupsters.

Watson, Cricket, to Headline 2006 NW Pet & Companion Fair

2006-03-30T19:35:00.000-08:00

Singer-songwriter Jonathan Hoffman is trying to take all the credit for bringing OUR Dog Tunes to the Northwest Pet and Companion Fair 2006 . The Pet Fair is scheduled for the weekend of April 22-23, at the Portland Exposition Center, E-Hall; 2060 N. Marine Drive, Portland, Oregon. Bring a can of pet food to the Fair. The sponsors of the Pet Fair are donating all pet food collected to the local AniMeals(Vancouver & Portland areas) program. It is a program for the cats and dogs of people who receive home-delivered meals. Many of these folks give up their food to feed their cats and dogs. That is why locally FIDO (Friends Involved in Dog Outreach) started ANIMEALS - a partnership with Clackamas Co. Social Services and Senior Meals programs to provide nutritious pet food for the cats and dogs of people who receive home-delivered meals. Second Chance Companions works with the Vancouver area program. The Pet Fair will be providing space for additional Pet Food donations. During the last four years, the NW PET & COMPANION FAIR has collected and distributed well over 6-7,000 lbs of pet food to local Rescue and Shelter groups.

STUPID CATS & RODENTS PLAN PROTEST

Cats are planning a Meow-In to protest the lack of Cat Music at the Pet Fair. Feline Folkie Cindy Mangsen, who recently released the all-kitty CD, Cat Tales could not be reached for comment. Rats, beavers, and other rodents would also protest if they thought of it. Alas, we have found no recordings, recent or otherwise, of rodent music.

Special Deal for Shelterdog Music Newsletter Recipients

Print out a copy of this Shelterdog Blog, bring it to the Pet Fair, and you'll receive a $5.00 discount off the price of any one of our CD's. That will pay for the cost of admission to the Pet Fair. Then, if you're interested in buying more CD's, we'll give you back the newsletter, so you can get another $5.00 discount for each additional CD.

Shelterdogs Promote New Book

2006-03-04T10:30:00.000-08:00

How often do we shelterdogs promote a new book? Not that often. Frankly, Cricket and I aren't all that much into books because squirrels are a lot more interesting. Books don't chirp at us and climb trees. But, coming out this month is a book that even we can recommend. Check out "Tails of Devotion,"a photographic essay book looking at the bond between people and their pets. 100% of the gross proceeds will be going to 5 non-profit animal groups in the SF Bay Area (SFSPCA, PAWS, Friends of Animal Care and Control, Pets Unlimited and Rocket Dog Rescue). For more info on the groups, please visit: http://www.tailsofdevotion.com/non_profits.html. One word of caution. We haven't actually READ the book yet, and we're somewhat concerned that SOME of the material COULD include compassion for cats and other worthless creatures. But it looks like dogs and people on the cover, so it's probably OK. Perhaps someone with more knowledge--such as a person--could comment on whether feline things are in this book and, if so, WHY.

So, what's wrong with a little spam??

2006-02-05T06:20:00.000-08:00

My People bought some software called, "SpamKiller" the other day. They claimed they're trying to get rid of Spam. I don't understand what the problem is. I like Spam. It tastes almost like my dog food. So, any of you People out there, why are you trying to kill dog food?? And if you don't kill it, why do you put it on your computer? WHERE do you put it on your computer?

Sheesh! They think WE'RE stupid. I have a song about that, too, but I'll save it for later. It's called, "If Dogs Were as Stupid as People." Duh!

Why Shouldn't We Have Our Own Dog Blogs?

2006-01-22T11:06:00.000-08:00

What's the problem? Why do the editors of this blog call it a coup? After all, it's called Shelterdog Blog. So why not let the shelterdogs contribute to it? After all, some of us are sensitive, self-absorbed songwriters, too. And some of our songs are even less boring than those of our People. Here's a snippet of one of mine:

I’m just a poor shelterdog
‘Cause the people make me sleep on the floor
If I slept upon the bed I’d be happy, but instead
They put me out, then they’re closing the door.
This old, moldy basket, that I never asked for
It’s only a typical ruse
It don’t have no box spring, no pillow, no people
So I’ve got the shelterdog blues.

Now, I know it's not perfect grammer. But I didn't get a very good education at the shelter. And there are a lot of people who went to school that use grammar just as bad as mine. And, if you think I'm just some ignorant shelter dog, you should read the interview I gave (with Watson, that narcissistic mutt whose blog submission is directly below and who instigated this takeover) at such an esteemed publication as Harvard Magazine. We're actually a lot smarter and more articulate than the People give us credit for.

Dog-coup at Shelterdog Blog

2006-01-21T19:03:00.000-08:00

Blah blah blah. I'm a sensitive, introspective singer songwriter, singing about my feelings. BLECCCH!

I couldn't stand it anymore, so in the words of that old political dog, General Alexander Haig, I'm in charge, now.

Call it a coup, call me a dog, but I'm a lot more in touch with my feelings than you singer-songwriters.

Feelings are very simple, really. I want to go to the lake. I want to chase the squirrels. I want to chase the chipmunks. I want to smell the rotten log. I don't like the cat. Food is good. I don't like going to the vet. I do like the park. Feelings.

But I have nothing against music, as long as it's good. So, in the spirit of these people who call themselves singer-songwriters, here's one of my own:

I'm a blue yellow lab.
Them blues have got me down
I'm a blue yellow lab
Them blues have got me down
'Cause my low-down "owners"
Won't let me run all over town.

Now that's a song! Who ever said songer-songwriters have to be people, anyway? Probably people, that's who.

So from here on out, this is OUR blog. After all, the people guy called it the "Shelterdog Blog." What did he expect?

Shelterdog Blog

2005-11-29T20:23:00.000-08:00

Welcome to the Shelterdog Blog. I'm a singer-songwriter and want to help promote creative, contemporary singer-songwriters, preferably of acoustic music, and who don't take themselves too seriously. But, as we all know, the mainstream music channels, radio, TV, and even the Internet, are all trying to jam us into their conception of what they think is popular music. Some of us write music because we want it to express something unique and different, rather than trying to sound exactly like everyone else. That may make it less "commercial," but it should also make it more interesting.

So this is my attempt to open a discussion to encourage singer-songwriters to express themselves, expose the world to their creativity, to review and comment on the work of other aspiring artists, and to exchange ideas about how we can succeed in our efforts as singer-songwriters.

Why the name, "Shelterdog Blog"? Well, first, because it's a blog. Duh. But "shelterdog" because my own music website is http://www.shelterdogmusic.com. And I called it that for two reasons. First, because we share our home with two fabulous shelterdogs: one (Watson) is a refugee from the local Humane Society; and the other (Cricket) is a refugee from a lousy home that took lousy care of her, even though she is the sweetest, kindest, most affectionate dog ever. Second, and perhaps because of the inspiration of these two great dogs, my own music has gradually morphed from more "typical" acoustic singer-songwriter stuff to an entire CD of "dog tunes," written from the dog's perspective on the state of the world around them.

So we welcome your comments, ideas, suggestions. To get this started, I'll upload some samples of my own songs.