Monday, May 19, 2008
A leg up on the competition
Watson's Campaign Breaks Long Silence
Watson, the shelter dog seeking to become the first Canine-American to be elected President of the United States, has remained mysteriously for nearly two months during the most intense period of this historic campaign. Political pundits throughout the nation have expressed shock and dismay about Watson’s unexplained silence.
At last, Watson’s campaign has revealed the canine-candidate’s explanation for his mysterious muteness. During yesterday’s press conference, on the eve of the Indiana and North Carolina primaries, Gracie Linh Hoffman, Watson's chief campaign strategist and spokesbaby, offered a spirited justification. She recited the ABC's of the verbal gaffes recently committed by each of Watson’s three rivals: Senator John McCain implied that the Iraq war was fought for oil, something the Bush Administration has denied. McCain said that, with energy independence, we would not have to invade the Middle east again to assure our supply of oil. Earlier, he seemed confused over the difference between Iran and Iraq, and mistakenly (and repeatedly) claimed that Iran was training al Quaida terrorists. Senator Obama spoke at a fund-raising gathering in San Francisco, stating that people in rural Pennsylvania were “clinging” to religion and guns because of anger and frustration over the economy. And Senator Clinton casually commented that the US could "obliterate" Iran. Earlier, she repeatedly described, in graphic detail, the imaginary sniper fire she once dodged when landing in Bosnia as First Lady.
“You won’t catch Watson making misstatements like these ,” promised Watson's spokesbaby, “He won’t make any misstatements. In fact, he won’t make any statements at all. He will speak only on rare occasions: when a squirrel is invading his territory or when one of his people makes him speak in order to get a dog treat. Or when he’s singing the blues.”