Wednesday, July 21, 2010

In Watson's Absence, Hoffman Relegated to Gig at Marshmallow Roast


Now that Watson has run off to join the Tea Party (see blog entry below), his singer-songwriter companion, Jonathan Hoffman, has accepted a gig to sing at a marshmallow roast. The marshmallow gig is being held in conjunction with the Vietnamese Heritage Camp in Estes Park, Colorado, July 29-31. Hoffman's daughter, Gracie Linh Hoffman (pictured at right) was born in Vietnam.
So why has a singer-songwriter--and recording artist--of Hoffman's supposed stature been relegated to a mere marshmallow roast? While touring with former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin on the Refudiation Express, Shelterdog Watson retorted: "Without me, he's just another singer-songwriter. And he's not really a songwriter. After all, I wrote those songs. He just stole all the credit because he has the fancy guitar, the word processor, and the opposable thumbs. And, frankly, he's not much of a singer, either. If you listen to "Blue Yellow Lab," I'm the one doing all the good blues howling."

Monday, July 19, 2010

Watson Joins Tea Party: Diatribe Against Cats to Follow?


Shelterdog Watson, still seeking to overcome his disappointing run for the Presidency in 2008, was a happy pup over the weekend after learning of the Tea Party's refusal to renounce the racist rants of some of its members. Leading pundits had speculated that Watson's 2008 defeat was partly due to his lack of affilitation with any political party or group. Now it appears that the Tea Party suits him just fine. The word on the street is that he was greatly influenced by his half-brother-human Gavin Hoffman, who recently guest starred as a right-wing militiaman in the TNT series "Leverage."
"It makes perfect sense," an unnamed and former high-ranking Watson campaign strategist observed. "If the Tea Party tolerates racists and bigots, they can hardly criticize a member for virulent anti-cat rants, either."

Watson was never proven to have uttered an anti-cat word during his long campaign, although a few reporters on the campaign plane--on deep background--alleged that Watson was known to refer to cats as "mere prey." But a disillusioned former campaign worker, who also owns 16 cats, recently revealed to the National Enquirer that she had overheard Watson describing cats as "stupid," "foul-smelling," "worthless" creatures that "deserved to die."

Watson could not be reached for comment, and his staff refused to confirm or deny the rumors.

Meanwhile, the Tea Party welcomed its newest member with open arms. Said a spokesman: "We welcome everyone, without regard to his beliefs, philosophy, intelligence, compassion, sensitivity, species, or anything else. He IS white after all, isn't he?"