Wednesday, December 08, 2010
Watson and Cricket have given us so much joy for so many years, we wish them a happy holiday season this year. To the right, you can hear for free their own Canine Christmas song which, cleverly, they named "K-9 Christmas." Also available for download from iTunes and most other online digital music download sites.
Tuesday, November 02, 2010
This election night will determine if 4-year-old Gracie Linh Hoffman will become a US Senator. But one severe critic has questioned whether the responsibilities of a Senator would be incompatible with a healthy childhood. It turns out that holding a position as a senator is perfect for a 4-year-old (subject to those pesky constitutional age limitations). After all, who acts more like little children than many of our elected representatives? Gracie could continue to enjoy her childhood, act like a 4-year-old, and fit right in--except that she doesn't throw as many tantrums as some of the older senators. She knows everything there is to know about earmarking funds for her special projects and how to assert herself by putting a "hold" on anything her parents might otherwise do until they pay due attention to her. And, as for the Bridge to Nowhere, she's building it on the family room carpet (see photo, above), but merely needs more funding to finish it up. So Gracie holding high office and her childhood are incompatible at all.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
With Watson's abrupt departure from the political scene, rumors swirled throughout the Pacific Northwest as to his possible successor. Who has the stature, the name recognition, the money, and speaking ability to step in at the eleventh hour to win a crucial 2010 Senate election?
Shelterdog Watson, who had been seeking to become the Kibble Party candidate for the U.S. Senate, appears to have quietly dropped his electoral bid. There has been no formal public announcement, but Shelterdog's crack reporting team has it on good authority that Watson no longer wants to join the partisan fray in Washington, D.C. Is it because he is satisfied with the current state of the Union? Or because he fears he might lose? Or because the U.S. Chamber of Cat Commerce is plotting a series of attack ads, alleging that the candidate is a "closet cat-ist?" Most likely none of the above. Rather, with the emergence of Watson's local football team, the University of Oregon Ducks, as #1 in both the major polls and #2 in the BCS, Watson seems to have forsaken politics for the Green and Yellow (and, occasionally, Carbon, Black, White, and a variety of other colors) of the Oregon Ducks. For a free sample of Watson's Duck tune, click on "It's a Great Day to Be a Duck," on the right column of your screen.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
x2 + 4 y2 -9z3 ± √d9 + √π2 = 1,000,000 BS
- The dead but still somewhat homicidal wife?
- The cute chick who was supposed to be brilliant, but just kind of sits there and looks vaguely fetching on three or four incoherent dream levels as the plot unfolds?
- The guy who tags along but we've forgotten who he his or why he's there? (Note: there are several of these.)
- The rich guy whose brains are being rented out as an Interstate Freeway and shooting gallery for the other rich guy's nefarious purposes?
- The other rich guy with nefarious purposes?
- Leonardo? Forget it. He's like Captain Ahab chasing the whale, but at least Ahab had the good grace to plunge to his death with the harpooned whale in tow.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Monday, July 19, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
After being offered over $37,000 in financing only last week, Shelterdog Watson was understandably surprised to receive the following email this morning:
After Chapter 7 bankruptcy proceedings, you should be aware that there are alternatives. Call us at [link deleted to protect privacy of the spammer]
Watson is a fiscally conservative dog who has not filed Chapter 7 bankruptcy proceedings. In fact, his even memoirs have not progressed past Chapter 2. But it's always nice to know that so many options are available.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Where to stash that much cash? There are any number of options. (Did we say "options"?)
- Start a campaign committee for a Kibble-Party run at the US Senate, where he would stand a good chance of knocking off unpopular Nevada Senator Harry Reid, being better educated and more articulate than Reid's Tea-Party Republican opponent.
- Prudently invest in some safe stock, such as AIG or BP, or Greek debt or even dog food derivatives (he's been peeing on too many hedges to take up hedge funds).
- Buy up some of that discounted real estate in Central Oregon or Las Vegas; perhaps some squirrel-infested acreage.
- Give a boost to his already successful music career, perhaps with some voice lessons.
Now that Watson is going to get a pile of moolah, please help him decide what to do with it. Post your comments here.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Monday, March 22, 2010
Why has Watson's popularity plummeted lower than Sarah Palin's IQ? In 2008, he was a shooting star, gaining national attention and adoration, only to lose in all fifty states. Then, Watson disappeared from public view altogether and, ultimately, was eclipsed by his canine companion, Cricket.
Un-named but highly-placed sources now claim that, like many rising stars, he got ''too big for his britches.'' He refused to listen to the sober advice of his seasoned campaign consultants, such as Grace Linh Hoffman (pictured above), and acted like he knew it all.
Too bad for Watson.
Gracie Linh has moved on, and is proving that she has what it takes. And when the 2012 campaign comes around, she is bound to have a dog in the hunt.
Former Canine Presidential Candidate Now Second Fiddle
As all major tabloids have reported, Watson, the former presidential candidate and self-acclaimed shelterdog, has been in a major pout throughout March of 2010. The reason? His housemate, Cricket, was one of several dogs selected to display her prize-winning smile by Bark Magazine (above, right). Watson, who has been somewhat reclusive since his 2008 presidential campaign received lots of attention but no electoral votes, was shocked that he was passed over. He has reportedly retreated into his shell. All we know for certain is that Watson has refused all press requests for interviews since Bark put Cricket’s winsome smile on the Web.
This recent development triggers new speculation about whether Cricket, rather than Watson, will become the canine candidate for the United States Senate in 2010. Cricket gave an interview to Shelterdog e-News, but her answers shed little light on issues related to her possible candidacy. Here are the highlights of her interview:
Shelterdog e-News: What’s it like being the celebrity dog after all those years of Watson hogging the spotlight?
Cricket: I like it. I like my people. I like people.
Shelterdog e-News: Have you given any thought to running for the Senate in 2010?
Cricket: “Thought” isn’t my strong suit.
Shelterdog e-News: Will you run for the Senate?
Cricket: I like to run. We were up in the Cascades last weekend, and I ran all over the place.
Shelterdog e-News: Would you be a “Tea Party” candidate?
Cricket: I like parties. My people had a party and I got to be petted by a lot of people.
Shelterdog e-News: If you ran for office, would you do any negative campaigning? What are you against?
Cricket: Mostly cats and squirrels. Chipmunks, but they’re usually not around by the time I get there.
Shelterdog e-News: What’s your position on health care?
Cricket: I don’t like going to the vet. I don’t think anyone should be subjected to health care if they don’t want to.
Shelterdog e-News: What about social issues? For example, do you think everyone ought to be able to pray in public?
Cricket: I like to prey. Especially on cats, squirrels, and chipmunks.
As you can see, Cricket may become a candidate to be reckoned with. Combining her good looks, winsome smile, and ability to avoid taking a stand on any issue, she sounds like the perfect challenger to any incumbent. Better beware, Harry Reid!